LOVE – A Word that Falls Short – Pt 3

Good Evening!

This entry marks another installment in my series on the word LOVE. If you missed out on the earlier installments please visit the links below.

As this subject is one of great value to me I will be writing this subject in installments over the next few weeks that way I can keep a little variety to my content. Hopefully by the end of these entries you will understand why I think that the word LOVE does not do justice to the wide gambit of emotions that we are trying to express through its use.

The LOVE to be discussed in today’s installment is one of great relevance to my life partially because of how I abused and manipulated this LOVE you my own selfish gains, along with it being one of the most common characteristics appreciated in me by others today.

Philia – The love between friends, in this situation platonic.

As a child I moved a lot, which normally this means you don’t have many friends. Luckily, I was the youngest of three children so you could say I had captive playmates. In my life this caused some problematic developments in example: inability to form long lasting bonds, seeing most relationships as short term and solely for utilitarian purposes, constant to desire to be socially accepted, and the worst complete disassociation with myself.

Some of these characteristics can also be attributed to isolation caused by over use of video games or delusions of grandeur (Ego mania). These can be discussed in a later article.

When I was a teen I had a few really great friends that I absolutely loved spending time with but looking back on it now most others in my mind were deemed appropriate to serve a purpose normally a selfish one. Whether it was because they had something I wanted or because it gave me some company in my misery, I had never taken the time to appreciate these people and what value they as individuals were bringing to my life.

There is no need to sugar coat it, I was an evil bastard who used people for my own selfish gains. Even worse then that I did my best to convince these people that I was a good friend to them. Now I have to adjust this a bit this was only from my early to late teens so as a young kid my heart was still very open to LOVE and Philia in specific was something that I regularly sought out. As I grew older and listened to common social programming, I fell into that dangerous thinking that no-one can be trusted and people are best used instead of LOVED.

Through my teens I started creating a persona of a cool guy who was just too deep to care about what others thought of me, funny thing is that cool guy was so worried about others picking up on this persona that it in itself left me a very confused individual. Eventually there were people who did come to listen to the ridiculous garbage I would prattle off about how the world was and other stuff like that. Originally I thought they were drawn to me because I was supposed to be some sort of great leader or something, then I started to notice they were listening to me for two different reasons.

One, because I listened to them or more appropriately did a very good job at pretending to care, two, I spoke with such confidence and pride that it was very easy for me to trick them into believing I knew what I was talking about. Some of the time I would go so far as to offer them unsolicited advice on how they should live their life because I knew that it would enable me to do certain things in my own life.  These are not things I am very proud of to be honest but nonetheless it is important to illustrate them in order to show you that anyone has the potential to change and if you met me today it would probably be pretty hard for you to comprehend.

Eventually, I found myself in a position where I was manipulating these people to such a destructive end that it was causing me to hate myself. Most of us would agree we all have special talents that can be either a blessing or a curse well my talent was being able to form deep connections with people so they would trust me. This trust when placed in the wrong hands is very destructive on all parties involved and though I was selfish at the time I was not really getting the desired results from my manipulations. A lot of these attempts at controlling the universe only backfired and left me even more of a mess to clean up so that I could proceed with manipulating others.

One day it hit me, it was a sobering thought that really made me sick, the pain and suffering in most of these amazing young peoples lives we partially caused by my manipulations at trying to get specific results normally involving my substance abuse. This moment in time was not a very fun one for me as I was just going through a nasty break-up with a beautiful soul that really made me believe I had the potential to be something more than wicked waste of human space. When you take the fact that my heart was broken from Eros, and even more pain was coming in from the results of my misused Philia well this was enough to break my pride down.

The next steps I took were ones of caution and consideration for others, a very drastic change from the last few years in my life. But then it happened I was blessed with a strange opportunity to start redeeming myself. A couple that I hung out with was going through some relational issues then it so happened the girl from my previous relationship was caught sending illicit images and texts to the boyfriend. The girlfriend called me to talk about it and my head said, “You should take advantage of this situation and get laid.” but then my heart said,”Do you think that will help anything? How would you feel if that were you?”

Something strange happened, I noticed my own thoughts, confronted them and followed my heart. Instead I called the boyfriend asked him to come hang out with me, then when we met I talked to him about it in a LOVING honest way. After we talked for a while I made it clear to him that engaging in any short term sensory gratification would not make up for the pain he would feel when he loses some one he cares deeply for. Realistically I had not pretenses about saving their relationship but I was much more interested in LOVING these two people enough to let them gain my from perspective without concern for what I might get in return.

This was just the beginning of many other acts of Philia that I really came to enjoy in my own life but I see it as being a major turnaround and the beginning to truly developing LOVE for people in my life without expectations or demands as that is what LOVE is truly about.

Let me wrap this up with a closing thought, when you look at the friends in your life there are probably a very select few that have been there for you when you are crazy, depressed, addicted, selfish, needy, absent, or disrespectful. But if you can think of any one that provides such an amazing example of Philia in your life, do yourself a favor let them know you LOVE them because sometimes we forget how important it is to express this feeling openly to them and you never know when the next time you will be able to tell them how much you appreciate their friendship.



About sardeneaux

Raised as a preacher's kid for most of his adolescence, Sam is a young man who has come value LOVE and AUTHENTICITY more than anything else. Through the creation of MoreThanGold he hopes to provide a space for personal growth that will inspire others to remember their true worth.

Posted on September 24, 2013, in Journal, Love, Reflections, Sam and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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