LOVE – A Word that Falls Short – Pt 4

Good Evening!

This entry marks another installment in my series on the word LOVE. If you missed out on the earlier installments please visit the links below.

As this subject is one of great value to me I will be writing this subject in installments over the next few weeks that way I can keep a little variety to my content. Hopefully by the end of these entries you will understand why I think that the word LOVE does not do justice to the wide gambit of emotions that we are trying to express through its use.

If you have been following my posts on this topic, then you would probably be asking about the LOVE I haven’t spent a lot of time discussing yet, Eros.

This LOVE is normally referred to as romantic LOVE.

The strange thing about this LOVE is, humans have a funny habit of confusing this LOVE with the instinctual desire to procreate. A unique combination of powerful hormones and societal programming can occasionally lead perfectly logical people to do some rather illogical things. Sadly Eros has gotten a bad rep due to it being confused with lust which is not LOVE at all but a selfish fixation that exists to provide one party with a fictionally derived sense of validation through the control or possession of another party.

Well I am here to say that this self-gratification does not qualify as LOVE and should never confused with Eros. Let me clarify some major differences.

First Eros is not to be confused with strictly physical attractions although the name is similar to erotica it does not only pertain to sexual arousal. Secondly this form of LOVE is non possessive and does not derive its strength from its ability to make another being conform to your desires. Most importantly this LOVE is not based on any specific criteria but more of a culmination of deep gratitude and desire for the others well-being in life. Well-being of course defined as emotional, physical and spiritual harmony in one’s life.

When it comes to the carnal passions of people in Eros that does not mean they don’t exist it means that they are balanced with a sense of understanding and appreciation. What this means is that you are physically attracted to your partner not just solely because they maintain the  status quo in their physique but mainly because you know you enjoy the intimate interaction with that individual just as much as the rush of post coitus endorphins that flood your brain.

As for the possessive controlling side of infatuation, Eros is a state of complete surrender and acceptance. LOVE of this type has no expectation or preconceived notions, it strictly enjoys the absolute uniqueness of the other individual and revels in their true nature. What this means is that Eros does not find is sense of definition through how the other person reflects upon you, as you are completely content with letting them be themselves regardless of how it might be perceived.

The last defining difference is a little more ambiguous and is really why people need to be able to listen to their heart in order to effectively practice LOVE. You can’t look at the relationship with the other person and say well it no longer provides “butterflies” or contains the characteristics of the earlier phases. As this relationship is like most other things on the planet it must grow and change in order to continue to exist but if you can appreciate just being with that person at that present moment not for what they have done in the past or could potentially do in the future then you are in a relationship of real substance.

Additionally you have to be interested in doing what is right for the other person regardless of how much you may not enjoy or desire to do it. This area really provides a lot of confusion because there are plenty of things we know would benefit the individual of our affection, but really would require us to be taken out of our comfort zone or may involve us having to learn about something that we are not truly interested in. Once you are willing to take on this change you will find that your relationship grows from it and most of the time you enjoy it because it is something new for you to do with your partner.

One major word of advice I can share is don’t measure your relationship based of off other people’s, this is a sure recipe for insanity and disappointment. It’s pretty simple actually all you have to realize is that just as every person on this planet is unique the same goes for relationships. Now there are all kinds of place you can go to search for advice on LOVE but I’ll tell you the honest truth is you have the wisdom you could ever need living with in yourself. Stay in touch with your feelings, be honest and communicate those are the building blocks of any healthy relationship whether it be Philia, Eros, or Agape.

As always you are worth MORE THAN GOLD.



About sardeneaux

Raised as a preacher's kid for most of his adolescence, Sam is a young man who has come value LOVE and AUTHENTICITY more than anything else. Through the creation of MoreThanGold he hopes to provide a space for personal growth that will inspire others to remember their true worth.

Posted on October 10, 2013, in Journal, Love, Reflections, Sam and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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