When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Because Life is Messy
Ho’Oponopono, is a Hawaiian saying used in healing practices of Kahuna. An expression of love that is designed to help with the self healing process, these words have been coming out of my mouth a lot lately.
What does it mean?
After a quick search you will find there a few varying perspectives on the what the exact translation is but I believe it to be somewhere along the lines of “I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You”. You gotta love the Hawaiian dialect with its unique combination of simplicity and depth, because as you look at the word itself it almost appears to be the same word over and over. When you reflect on its translation you see the incredible beauty of this mantra, in one fell swoop these words can communicate one of the most powerful messages the human spirit could ever hear. The trans-formative nature of this expression is beyond my own comprehension but I would love to share my simple perspective and hopefully illuminate how you can use it in your life.
Why I Care.
As a child I was always raised to treat others as I would want to be treated and I assume this was fundamental in helping develop my empathetic nature. This characteristic has helped me form powerful connections with the people I meet, most people are willing to say the trait is a blessing, I would say that learning to feel others pain without taking it on is possibly one of the most challenging aspects of my own personal evolution. The world we live in can be very heavy almost suffocating at times especially as we become more aware of the pain of others. I’m not sure the exact the time but somewhere in my teens I became conscious of the deep rooted corruption of this world, not surprisingly, I did not know how to cope with this new awareness. Once you can start to see the interconnectivity of life then you start to feel the pain and suffering of the general human consciousness, not because it is the most powerful or dominant but more because it is like a wounded child screaming for attention. Most of my late teens were spent in a blur of substance abuse designed to help dull the undisciplined empathy that was gnawing at my heart, then in my early to mid twenties I started looking at ways to “fix” the planet…… both of these failed. For someone like me that failure was an essential part of my learning process, as with most humans I learn from mistakes. At first this failure was discouraging, I took it personal, now when looking at it I can see the flaw in my logic, I thought I was apart from this world.
Heal Yourself, Heal the World
“In deep and lasting ways, when we heal ourselves we heal the world.” Mark Nepo
I understand that not everyone wants to heal the world that can be pretty intimidating but I want to start here as I believe it will help us better understand the relationship between our inner and outer worlds. The truth is to think you can fix the planet is incredibly immature, I mean who am I to say I know how things should be, I would like to think I know how good they could be but that doesn’t mean I am right. On a deeper level I can see this was just a more elaborate way of running from my emotional pain, yes that is right some times becoming so busy trying to help others is just easier than stopping to look at ourselves. Occasionally we are fortunate enough to observe our ridiculous habits, and when you are able to look at those habits without judgement is when you start to recognize the true motivation behind them. Revealing the root of your emotional pain is like finding a small child crying in the corner of your mind, hiding in fear from a violent world it doesn’t understand. Then it hits you, that wounded little human is you, not you as you are today but the you born for this world to know, before you let the opinions and actions of other make you believe that you were undeserving of acceptance. Once you see that then you just want to pick the child up hold it and say “I love you just as you are, I’m sorry I tried to change you, please forgive me for ignoring you, and thank you for not giving up on me” and as you say that to your inner child you slowly feel the pain of the world around you lessen and peace start to grow. The theory being that the pain you feel around you is really just a reflection of the pain you are feeling inside, like an open wound your past emotional trauma is hypersensitive to things that mirror your pain. As you continue to heal and comfort your inner child, you notice the world around you changing, no corruption doesn’t magically end and people still make a ton of mistakes, instead you just start to see the child inside of others and can relate to their actions better without judgement which makes it easier to live in harmony with them.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
Closure has been a foreign concept for me most of my life, as far as I knew life was a culmination of loose ends and mishaps that we were doomed to repeat. Now the value of closure is starting to reveal itself to me and I can see that my previous assumption was only partially correct, closure is designed to help us grow from our mistakes so we can finally move on and make new ones. Whereas without closure we are inevitably thrown into a never ending of loop of repeated errors until we decide to sit down and digest the lesson that life is trying to teach us. We all know that finding closure is normally easier said than done, because most of the closure we are seeking involves our relationships with others, people who we might not be able to communicate directly with either because they are no longer in this realm of existence or because that person does not want know you. So finding closure in these situations becomes a little more complex, you can’t force someone to have a relationship and as far as I know nobody has successfully revived the dead in these modern times. In situations like this, the power of Ho’Oponopono shines through clearly, these words have a unique ability to help you deal with feelings of guilt that are commonly associated with relationships that meet an abrupt end. No this is not a silver bullet that will instantly help you release your pent up emotions, these words are meant to attune your inner emotional state to that of love so the emotions can exist within you without you feeling the need to judge or repress them, a necessary part of processing and growing. This is equally as valuable if you were the one that was wronged because believe it or not your unspoken resentment towards that person is just as destructive as guilt and learning to love those people as you would love your inner child makes their transgressions much less about you and more about them.
Sharing My Practice
So if you feel like this practice would benefit you I encourage you to try it, my approach is fairly unrefined but for now it meets my needs. Find a picture or a simple possession that brings up a strong emotion for the person you have the unresolved feelings towards, sit and hold it, look at it if you can, then just say Ho’Oponopono and then I even repeat it in English a few times if necessary. Yes you are likely to cry and if you are anything like me it will be big salty tears with your snotty nose running all over the place, but if you can just bear your ugly crying face and just allow it to flow out, this expression will help you feel loved while you do, so that the emotion can pass through you and stop wreaking havoc on your internal peace. There are definitely more refined approaches to this practice honed by spiritual leaders far more experienced than I, regardless if you are not able to see those people or do not desire to wade through all the fluff of internet search results then I invite you to at least start with my rudimentary practice.
Let me wrap this up with some of my more recent thoughts on this subject. The world around us is suffering from intense emotional pain, centuries of war, slavery, extreme addiction, poverty, spiritual suppression the list goes on, but when we look at it all holistically we can obviously say those are mainly symptoms of a society that has been tricked into believing our emotions and feelings have the right to dictate our lives. So now more than ever is the right time for humans to start healing our emotional wounds, that way we can comfort our inner children and better understand the hurt of those around us. Together we can begin the process of making the human spirit whole again instead of fragmented in opposition, if not for future generations, at least so we can better enjoy this amazing time that we are so lucky to witness.
Thanks for tuning in and as always you are worth More Than Gold.
It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.
The life of a man consists not in seeing visions and in dreaming dreams, but in active charity and in willing service.
Not the kind of our predecessors, but a new kind.
The revolution that we need must be of a new mechanism. One that has not yet been successfully accomplished, one that requires global cooperation and patience to know that most worth while endeavors take time.
The people of our planet are sick, tired, hungry, and all together down trodden. Why?
A complete answer for that is so complex that I couldn’t begin to scratch the surface in 20,000 words. But in a simple summary I could say that we have been tricked. We have long been struggling in a war without even being aware of it anymore. Daily we compete for resources like we live in a world of scarcity but when we look around there is so much abundance that food falls from trees and water falls from the sky.
While the ultimate solution is not one of simplicity the state of mind and first step towards resolution are embedded into our very nature. As a species we have only survived this long, due to our innate ability and desire to cooperate. Our brains are hardwired to learn through observation and communication, our emotions consistently fluctuate with the feelings of those around us, and the majority of people can say that their life is better spent in the company of others.
So how have we been tricked you say?
Well it’s painfully obvious when looking at “western civilization”. There is this hidden philosophy that seems to permeate all of our culture one that says,”Survival of the fittest.” Which in a way is correct but I guess more appropriately our interpretation of it is a little skewed. This quickly becomes might makes right or money is power which is so far from the truth and we are starting to see it more clearly as of late.
There are probably a few skeptics in life that might say, “Money is power why do you think that rich people get away with so much evil?” or “The mighty rule over the meek with an iron fist.”
I can confidently say if we decided not use to dollars anymore most of the “rich” people on this planet would not survive as long as the people who have learned how to live and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. One mighty individual or two can do nothing to a thousand meek. What I am trying to say from this is that these things happen the way they currently do because we allow them too.
So if survival of the fittest does not mean those things then what does it mean?
My honest perspective on it is not just the strongest, fastest, or smartest but more likely the one who can get the most done with the least effort. Sounds lazy? It could be, but what I am trying to say could probably be better illustrated through a hypothetical situation.
Let’s imagine you have some really heavy furniture to move. You can probably move it by yourself but it would take all of your energy and a couple of hours. When you take that same furniture and add the help of the three other people it takes a fraction of the time and energy which allows to your move on to other projects.
Which would you prefer?
So if a species wants to guarantee its survival then killing its own kind in competitive nature would not serve a purpose. When looking at the larger picture perhaps survival of the fittest is actually referring to ones ability to properly cooperate for a common good as a true measure of how fit you are. If you consistently try to do everything on your own eventually you will become exhausted and possibly sick.
I have a hard time believing that ancient man survived through the treacherous wilds of the untamed planet earth solely by killing off the weakest of their kind through barbaric exhibitions. To me it seems that we had to learn how to snuggle up on cold nights before fire was discovered, or take turns watching for night predators while we were still predominantly nomadic.
This concept is not new and should not be foreign, we have relied on it so much throughout our existence that it’s been coded into our very DNA. The time is coming for everyone to look around at their fellow-man, with acceptance and appreciation for the diversity we have been provided is exactly what we need to solve the ever-growing list of obstacles we face.
I am not trying to throw around judgement and say it is time we “evolve”. Evolution would require us to make an adaptation to our environment that had not previously existed. Cooperation and kindness are at the very core of our being and have been their since the beginning. The only reason it does not appear that way is because we have some how been tricked into believing compassion is a flaw.
Let’s correct the way we see kindness because it can not ever be mistaken for weakness if you do not see it that way. The time has come for us to return to our roots and start working together so we can enjoy the many wonders this beautiful life has to offer us.
As always you are worth MORE THAN GOLD.
THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU,
Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.
COMPASSION, the weapon of peaceful revolutionaries worldwide and throughout all of history.
This is a golden rule that has been illustrated in so many ways that the only reason for people to not notice it is because we don’t want to. A unique characteristic of great importance which has been twisted into some form of weakness. A foolish ploy of the ego to sustain it’s illusory grasp on our consciousness.
The ego being is one of complexity and frailty, a sad state of existence that must consistently consume our energy in order to keep it’s own flaws from becoming visible. Now as our consciousness expands we are all starting to notice the weakness of the ego and how it can not be allowed to dictate our actions if we plan on finding joy in this lifetime.
Now there is the task of becoming more COMPASSIONate, to some it may be a very easy task for others a little more complex. I must clarify this is not just a friendly request but a change of dire necessity. If we as a species do not make a significant change in the way we see each other then the hopes of our children being able to enjoy half of the things we do are non existent.
How does one become more COMPASSIONate? I don’t pretend to be the only resource on this but I can gladly share a few practices from my own life that have really helped me enjoy the amazing results of compassion.
First thing for you to do is to think of your favorite restaurant,the next time you order some food from there make sure you add one more order for another person. Then ask the employee to make sure to give it to the next person in line who orders the same thing. This may not seem like a lot but this simple gesture of kindness is also one of the easiest ways for us to relate to other human beings, I know I would enjoy getting a free meal from a stranger and that would make me want to do that for someone else as well.
Another a great way to develop COMPASSION is to take some time out of your day to talk to strangers. In our modern day society we spend a lot of time in isolation although it may be called “social media”. What this really means is that we do not appreciate the present moment and those who are involved in it, instead we spend a great deal of time trying to avoid the people around us and normally just out of convenience. What this does is fairly destructive, it becomes very easy to forget that the person in line with you at the grocery store has all the same thoughts and feelings as you. It’s really hard to be COMPASSIONate when you feel so alienated from your own kind because you don’t interact enough with them to realize that you are one in the same.
“Computers are magnificent tools for the realization of our dreams, but no machine can replace the human spark of spirit, COMPASSION, love, and understanding.” Louis Gerstner
The most important thing you can do towards becoming COMPASSIONate, is putting yourself in the other persons shoes. It’s the simple advice of the generations before us that we have all seem to forgotten as of late. A healthy way of living that yields results beyond the physical means.
If you wouldn’t like to be treated the way your treat others then why would you continue to do so? Because you are no longer thinking about how you would like the treatment you are only thinking about how that person inconvenienced you or made your ego feel threatened. Once you start using this approach to your human interactions you will find that your stress levels will decrease significantly along with your irrational thoughts of aggression.If you could physically see the damage caused by harboring negative emotion I promise you would really want to be more COMPASSIONate if not just for your own health.
Realistically speaking, we seem to forget how much power our thoughts and words have towards one another and throw them around like they are of no consequence. I can wholeheartedly admit that I get hurt by the words of others,just as I enjoy words of encouragement.The simple acts of kindness that can be portrayed through human COMPASSION have more uplifting potential then any amount of money can in a persons life. I consider it similar to the idea of teaching a man to fish instead of giving him a fish, you teach someone that they are equally as important and capable then will be instead of enabling them to survive off the pity of others.
So lets look towards building a better future and agree that COMPASSION is one of the main tools we have available. If we start looking at other people as living reflections of ourselves then we can start to see the greatness that resides within everyone and allow that greatness to manifest in its own unique way.
As always you are worth MORE THAN GOLD.
THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU.
Below I have provided a link to some more great information about this subject from a college research program.
As a little bit of back up for my post later today I have provided some some links to amazing content in regards to the importance of compassion in our modern day context as well.
The Charter for Compassion
Ted Talk – Daniel Goleman