Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.
One Man’s Revelation
Spring Has Sprung!
The birds are singing and wildflowers magically paint the landscape with a lush array of vibrant colors, well at least here in central Texas. It’s pretty much my favorite time of year in this state, a time when a fair skinned fellow such as myself can comfortably soak up the sun without having to slather on toxic chemicals in order to interact with normal sun tolerant people. Honestly most springs fly by unnoticed other than the vast seas of color that envelope the hillsides, commonly caught up in childlike exuberance of “doing cool shit”, I never took the time to reflect on the significance of this time of year. Growing up a preachers kid I was exposed to the religious importance of this holiday from a very young age, due to the physical and emotional abuse of my childhood my ability to clearly see the beauty of this time of year was blinded by anger and resentment. Gratefully I have had the opportunity to reflect on a lot of things lately one them including Easter.
The Winter of my Soul
The last couple of years in my life have been crazy to say the least, I found myself trapped in an emotional blizzard of depression, one that left my soul with cabin fever clawing at my heart. The details can be spared for the sake of my sanity and your time but lets just say being an idealistic romantic can cause someone like me to invest way too much time and energy into people who don’t share the same definition of love. After it was all said and done, I found myself alone again in what is currently one of the most challenging experiences of my adulthood, with nothing but bittersweet memories and broken hopes. In the last month of 2015 I decided to quit a “comfortable” job in order to complete my education in massage therapy, mainly because I knew the psychological importance of showing myself I can complete something. When I started that journey it was with the illusion of support and love from someone very dear to me, someone I thought I could share my imperfection with and someone I hoped would see that this as an integral part of getting myself prepared for our future together. Needless to say that person did not share the same feelings nor desires. I soon found myself in the midst of an emotional whirlwind, buried under a schedule of trying to balance two part time jobs, full time school and the occasional band practice frantically running from the feelings of rejection and failure that all too often accompany the loss of a romantic attachment.
Spring Break! Spring Cleaning?
For most musicians in Austin spring break really just means SXSW is going to make your life crazy for the next week or so, though this one was very unique for me as I had not been in school to appreciate this time of year for over a decade. With my week nights freed up in for the first time in months I finally had the chance to let my feelings catch up with me, something I was literally terrified of, fearing those feeling might halt my momentum. I knew I was in need of a serious emotional catharsis, one that might help me better navigate the turbulent waters of my mind. A trip perhaps? Not necessarily focusing on the destination but more on the chance to get a new perspective, a journey that would help me remember a part of myself I forgot. My internal house was in need of some serious spring cleaning, a chance to knock down the cobwebs of old thought patterns and wipe the dust away from my long neglected inner child. The radiant sun illuminating the state of my life, I was starting to see the emotional importance of this commonly dreaded responsibility.
Resurrection… Metaphorically Speaking
Of course the religious cornerstone of Easter revolves around the death and resurrection of one the most incredible physical manifestations this realm of existence has ever seen, the act itself shrouded in wonder and awe as it appeals to a part of our soul we know to be absolutely true yet we have no way to comprehend. Mysticism aside most people can see that this story is a great metaphor for the end of something, bringing along with it a new hopeful beginning. The truth is we must sometimes go through intense emotional or physical pain in order to be motivated enough to make certain changes that our lives need. Occasionally we need to kill our current self so we can become the person we were meant to be, so I did, I made my peace and began to lay my ego based thought process to rest with gratitude and respect. That being said the ego does not go down quietly, investigating the root cause of your “suffering” is a messy business one that can leave you exhausted and quite emotional. It may sound strange, but I can say I feel a new version of myself slowly breaking through, like blades of grass growing through the cracks of a sidewalk. Even more strange than that is the fact that this new version of myself comes with a feeling of familiarity like when you reconnect with an old friend.
A time of year that marks when the nights of winter are slowly giving way to the days of summer, leaving us in a brief window of solar and lunar balance. Then it clicked, our ancestors recognized this time of year as having incredible trans formative potential which is why so many different cultures have a spring celebration. With nature providing the perfect backdrop, its completely organic to feel that this time of year is a great opportunity for us to shed our less desirable aspects in order to allow new growth. This concept is illustrated through the story of the crucifixion and resurrection, the first part symbolizing the blood exchange meant to pay for our mistakes and the second part showing that we are born anew unbound by the limitations of our past. Relinquishing our attachment to the sins of our past enables us to continue growing in order to reach our highest possible potential. Various ancient cultures honored this with sacred rituals in order to acknowledge the lessons learned while encouraging the desire to continue learning. The equinox is a time of high energy that can be useful in purging our emotional trauma and propelling our spirits into the next chapter of our karmic journey.
So regardless of your spiritual beliefs this time of year is a unique culmination of spiritual sanctity, celestial alignment and seasonal transition that can be an incredible catalyst for change in your life. Whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual or all of them combined I hope you take this chance to achieve the evolution you desire.
Thanks for joining me on my journey and as always you are worth More Than Gold.
Acknowledging the Gray
Ambiguity……. the word itself seems uncertain and open to more than one interpretation.
Suffice to say this indefinite noun is a very precise description of the human experience. When we are young we make so many promises to the world about things we could never fully comprehend until we experience them. Later in life we find that those promises affect our ability to make certain decisions that have no clearly defined resolution.
We are raised in a system of duality where we are taught to see the world as good or bad, negative or positive, it’s considered black and white logic. Well life is not black and white, it’s gray a whole lot of gray. Perhaps life is just meant to help us understand that in order to live in peace with this world we have to be able to accept that most major decisions in life are steeped in ambiguity.
When it comes to other’s perceptions of me I hear optimist used fairly often. Normally this is just taken as a compliment regardless of its intent. To be an optimist does not mean ignoring the negative to me, it involves accepting the potential for the negative but understanding that there is an equivalent if not greater opportunity for the positive.
That being said sometimes you have to be able to look at particular crossroads in your lifetime and say there is no good or bad choice to make here. No right, no wrong. I must make a choice and then make peace with my decision so I may continue to grow. Don’t get me wrong, just like most other people I question my decisions after making them.
The point is limiting the time you allow yourself to speculate, then accepting that you made the best possible decision with all the information available at that time. But is that true? Yes, that is absolutely true. Your brain is wired to automatically deduce the best possible resolution, not to mention the being that is represented through its resolutions, is of the same construct as the very essence that created life.
I truly believe that we live in such ambiguity not through sadistic tinkering of some benevolent being, but through our own blind desire of perfection. Almost as though we have been tricked into believing that perfection is something that can not be attained without extreme circumstance. Leaving us in a constant state of want, over questioning each decision, and beating ourselves up for making mistakes.
The funny thing about trying to pursue perfection is that nobody achieves……. it ever. One of my favorite understandings of this is the concept of enlightenment. Enlightenment is possible, but the conscious pursuit of it immediately makes it unattainable. This basic principle is what keeps us from harmonious existence. As we strive to label all things effectively, we instantly create dissonance within our universe, by limiting the events of our lives to negative and positive.
Instead of looking at our lives to be judged perhaps we should see the fact that it is made of limitless potential and our ability to effectively navigate can not be measured by anyone other than ourselves. While taking into consideration that we are all part of a greater organism we can not fully comprehend., so trying to accurately determine the opinion of a objective essence is futile.
When I say life itself is ambiguous I don’t mean it in the all hope is lost context, nor the opposite, I simply mean life is up to your interpretation.
I prefer to interpret a peaceful and well rested life, I am going to bed.
As always you are worth MORE THAN GOLD.
THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU
We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.
Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.
Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.
Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.
I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.
Never put a sock in a toaster.
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
The next time you have a thought… let it go.
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
Because you are Amazing
This will probably be my last post for the year. No worries I don’t plan on quitting any time soon.
Around this time of year I like reflect on the things I got accomplished. With all the fuss and focus on next year or what you didn’t get accomplished I encourage you to take a different approach. The fact that you are alive to experience another orbital rotation of the sun should get you excited.
Some people will look at this year and say it was a bust while others will not want it to end, instead of focusing on the past and future let’s look at the year in it’s entirety and acknowledge our present. Hopefully you can avoid the typical distractions of what popular media will tell you to think of this year according to their list of happenings, and reflect more personally.
Was this a year where you made changes to your own life for the better?
Do you feel like the events that transpired this year helped you cultivate your life?
Would you be willing to admit that the hardships you endured this year only went to prove how incredibly strong you are?
Something tells me you can answer yes to at least two of these questions if not all three. I am fairly confident in this because you are of a species that naturally progresses and evolves regardless of its intent to do so. Strange thing about being human is that your adaptations and evolutionary advancements happen in such a natural way that they usually go unnoticed. Does this make them any less meaningful?
My philosophy on life has been a mixture of different sayings but one of the most consistently observed truths in my life is the importance of small natural change instead of drastic reactive change. This led me to coin a phrase, “When shooting for the stars, you adjust your trajectory in millimeters.”
Shoot for the stars? Indeed!
Are we not just celestial beings flying through time and space on our living spaceship? Whether we want to look at it in the quantum perspective or in a general material “reality” we are consistently measuring time and space then accounting for its expenditure or loss.
If you are an average american between the ages of 20 and 64 then you roughly drove 13,000 miles this year. You probably ate around 2000 pounds of food or spent 23 days on your cell phone. What’s the point? When you quantify the mundane aspects of your life they seem insignificant on a daily basis. When collectively measured over time they paint a much clearer picture of how much can be accomplished over a short period time with consistency.
Normally you wont be able to find statistics for the number of emotional growth spurts, psychological breakthroughs, habitual improvements and personal accomplishments for the average person in a year. These are changes that occur in your life and can only be measured by the people experiencing them.
Additionally there are so many simple habit changes that we make in our day to day affairs it’s only natural we completely overlook their impact on our life. When you live a life of fast paced mind numbing stimulation consistently bombarded with distractions it requires a conscious effort to appreciate the little things that occur and make this experience called life unique for all of us.
That’s why you should take some time at the end of this year and appreciate yourself. That’s right you are a time traveling bad ass. You have successfully navigated your way around the sun one more time all the while making your adaptations for survival with a natural grace and style that is commonly mistaken for an over simplification called living.
You can say 2013 was a good year or a bad year the choice is up to you, I encourage you to say it was another essential part of beautiful journey called life. Which I am personally grateful for getting the opportunity to enjoy and share with the ones I love.
As always you are worth MORE THAN GOLD.
THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU