Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.
Because Life is Messy
Ho’Oponopono, is a Hawaiian saying used in healing practices of Kahuna. An expression of love that is designed to help with the self healing process, these words have been coming out of my mouth a lot lately.
What does it mean?
After a quick search you will find there a few varying perspectives on the what the exact translation is but I believe it to be somewhere along the lines of “I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You”. You gotta love the Hawaiian dialect with its unique combination of simplicity and depth, because as you look at the word itself it almost appears to be the same word over and over. When you reflect on its translation you see the incredible beauty of this mantra, in one fell swoop these words can communicate one of the most powerful messages the human spirit could ever hear. The trans-formative nature of this expression is beyond my own comprehension but I would love to share my simple perspective and hopefully illuminate how you can use it in your life.
Why I Care.
As a child I was always raised to treat others as I would want to be treated and I assume this was fundamental in helping develop my empathetic nature. This characteristic has helped me form powerful connections with the people I meet, most people are willing to say the trait is a blessing, I would say that learning to feel others pain without taking it on is possibly one of the most challenging aspects of my own personal evolution. The world we live in can be very heavy almost suffocating at times especially as we become more aware of the pain of others. I’m not sure the exact the time but somewhere in my teens I became conscious of the deep rooted corruption of this world, not surprisingly, I did not know how to cope with this new awareness. Once you can start to see the interconnectivity of life then you start to feel the pain and suffering of the general human consciousness, not because it is the most powerful or dominant but more because it is like a wounded child screaming for attention. Most of my late teens were spent in a blur of substance abuse designed to help dull the undisciplined empathy that was gnawing at my heart, then in my early to mid twenties I started looking at ways to “fix” the planet…… both of these failed. For someone like me that failure was an essential part of my learning process, as with most humans I learn from mistakes. At first this failure was discouraging, I took it personal, now when looking at it I can see the flaw in my logic, I thought I was apart from this world.
Heal Yourself, Heal the World
“In deep and lasting ways, when we heal ourselves we heal the world.” Mark Nepo
I understand that not everyone wants to heal the world that can be pretty intimidating but I want to start here as I believe it will help us better understand the relationship between our inner and outer worlds. The truth is to think you can fix the planet is incredibly immature, I mean who am I to say I know how things should be, I would like to think I know how good they could be but that doesn’t mean I am right. On a deeper level I can see this was just a more elaborate way of running from my emotional pain, yes that is right some times becoming so busy trying to help others is just easier than stopping to look at ourselves. Occasionally we are fortunate enough to observe our ridiculous habits, and when you are able to look at those habits without judgement is when you start to recognize the true motivation behind them. Revealing the root of your emotional pain is like finding a small child crying in the corner of your mind, hiding in fear from a violent world it doesn’t understand. Then it hits you, that wounded little human is you, not you as you are today but the you born for this world to know, before you let the opinions and actions of other make you believe that you were undeserving of acceptance. Once you see that then you just want to pick the child up hold it and say “I love you just as you are, I’m sorry I tried to change you, please forgive me for ignoring you, and thank you for not giving up on me” and as you say that to your inner child you slowly feel the pain of the world around you lessen and peace start to grow. The theory being that the pain you feel around you is really just a reflection of the pain you are feeling inside, like an open wound your past emotional trauma is hypersensitive to things that mirror your pain. As you continue to heal and comfort your inner child, you notice the world around you changing, no corruption doesn’t magically end and people still make a ton of mistakes, instead you just start to see the child inside of others and can relate to their actions better without judgement which makes it easier to live in harmony with them.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
Closure has been a foreign concept for me most of my life, as far as I knew life was a culmination of loose ends and mishaps that we were doomed to repeat. Now the value of closure is starting to reveal itself to me and I can see that my previous assumption was only partially correct, closure is designed to help us grow from our mistakes so we can finally move on and make new ones. Whereas without closure we are inevitably thrown into a never ending of loop of repeated errors until we decide to sit down and digest the lesson that life is trying to teach us. We all know that finding closure is normally easier said than done, because most of the closure we are seeking involves our relationships with others, people who we might not be able to communicate directly with either because they are no longer in this realm of existence or because that person does not want know you. So finding closure in these situations becomes a little more complex, you can’t force someone to have a relationship and as far as I know nobody has successfully revived the dead in these modern times. In situations like this, the power of Ho’Oponopono shines through clearly, these words have a unique ability to help you deal with feelings of guilt that are commonly associated with relationships that meet an abrupt end. No this is not a silver bullet that will instantly help you release your pent up emotions, these words are meant to attune your inner emotional state to that of love so the emotions can exist within you without you feeling the need to judge or repress them, a necessary part of processing and growing. This is equally as valuable if you were the one that was wronged because believe it or not your unspoken resentment towards that person is just as destructive as guilt and learning to love those people as you would love your inner child makes their transgressions much less about you and more about them.
Sharing My Practice
So if you feel like this practice would benefit you I encourage you to try it, my approach is fairly unrefined but for now it meets my needs. Find a picture or a simple possession that brings up a strong emotion for the person you have the unresolved feelings towards, sit and hold it, look at it if you can, then just say Ho’Oponopono and then I even repeat it in English a few times if necessary. Yes you are likely to cry and if you are anything like me it will be big salty tears with your snotty nose running all over the place, but if you can just bear your ugly crying face and just allow it to flow out, this expression will help you feel loved while you do, so that the emotion can pass through you and stop wreaking havoc on your internal peace. There are definitely more refined approaches to this practice honed by spiritual leaders far more experienced than I, regardless if you are not able to see those people or do not desire to wade through all the fluff of internet search results then I invite you to at least start with my rudimentary practice.
Let me wrap this up with some of my more recent thoughts on this subject. The world around us is suffering from intense emotional pain, centuries of war, slavery, extreme addiction, poverty, spiritual suppression the list goes on, but when we look at it all holistically we can obviously say those are mainly symptoms of a society that has been tricked into believing our emotions and feelings have the right to dictate our lives. So now more than ever is the right time for humans to start healing our emotional wounds, that way we can comfort our inner children and better understand the hurt of those around us. Together we can begin the process of making the human spirit whole again instead of fragmented in opposition, if not for future generations, at least so we can better enjoy this amazing time that we are so lucky to witness.
Thanks for tuning in and as always you are worth More Than Gold.
The Road Less Traveled
The road less traveled, an expression we have all heard and most of us have our own definition of what it means. To put this expression into context it is not only limited to destinations but also encompasses major life changes and personal development.
Where it all begins…
There you are, walking down the nice paved road of life observing the rules, reading all the signs, and flowing with traffic. Then it happens you accidentally stray off the beaten path, you suddenly disconnect from your distractions and recognize the immensity of your sense based experience known as life. Your world has changed, the possibilities are limitless and best of all your perspective is now beginning to reflect back the essence of curiosity. You now know there is more to life than what you could see from the safety of the masses, there is a beautiful world of creatures, plants, panoramic scenery, secret watering holes, and the list keeps going it’s all just waiting for your appreciation.
A new perspective.
The curtain has fallen, you can now see the strings attached and the hollow cardboard cut outs attempting to represent value in society. Like milk, your taste for the norm has soured, new cultures are causing the fermentation of your perception. You start to question the world around you looking and listening in new ways, kind of like a more mature return to infancy. Eventually you yearn for more than what that nice paved road can offer because you know where it leads. Driven by the urge to experience and grow, your innate purpose is now starting to evolve beyond the current circumstance and it pushes you to create a new environment for yourself.
Incoming reality check.
Trailblazing comes at its own cost, there are pitfalls, wrong turns, dead ends and even the dreaded backtracking, like a slap to the face, the reality of this new perspective has reared it’s ugly head. A wave of fear crashes into you and derails your train of dreams. You look back to that road of comfort and security in hopes of being able to forget all that you recently learned, only to find that it no longer fosters those feelings inside of you. Now what? You are thirsty and the only way to slake your thirst is wrought with peril. Avoidance is a weak tool against the outcry of your soul’s true desire and soon becomes inept at silencing that inner voice, so you gradually prepare yourself for the road ahead.
The Master Plan.
Determination sets in and you decide to make your thoughts a reality, a strategic approach to shaping your world. Looking at your ambitions and the best way to actualize them, a plan starts to form and your confidence slowly grows. An ancient primal instinct kicks in and you start evaluating your resources carefully organizing them by necessity and luxury trying to determine if they add value or detract. Your situation becomes more temporary by the day. As you feel more confident in your plan, you slowly let go of the little “problems” you were struggling with because ultimately you know worry is a squandered use of your resources. Preparations have been made, lists have been checked and you begin the bittersweet process of saying goodbye to your comfort and false sense of security.
Sentimental good byes aside you know the time has come for you to take that fancy plan of yours and put it to use. Truth is your plan sucks, don’t worry pretty much everyone else’s does too. There is no way you can account for half of the random shit that happens in life, much less when you have decided to put yourself outside of your current understanding in order to stimulate growth. With every mistake made you learn a little more, some times you might even laugh about it. Your ability to handle the unexpected surprises even you sometimes, but you know most of all it is due to something greater than you could ever comprehend. The interconnected nature of life slowly reveals itself to you like a flower in bloom illuminating all the vibrant colors, intricate patterns, and simple elegance.
Enjoying the ride.
There is no guarantee of a happy ending, nor any promise of “success” in this life these things can only be defined by you, as you continue to grow in experience. For most people that master plan is eventually put aside knowing now that the things that strategy was designed to accomplish came from a place of ignorance. To find peace in your journey is much more rewarding than any one accomplishment or destination, plus it makes the journey more enjoyable.
The road less traveled is less traveled for a reason, it’s not for everyone, it’s for you.
I don’t pretend to speak for everyone’s experience and I would never even try, but I would like to thank you for joining me on my journey and hope you can find something that relates to you on yours.
As always you are worth More Than Gold.
A Beast Run Rampant
Negligence, a fitting theme for my first blog post in a long time.
Looking at some of my previous posts I must warn that this one may not be quite so inspiring or motivational, but perhaps through my process of personal admittance you can find some solace in knowing that all humans have room to grow.
As of late my life has been swept up in the constant stimulation and sensory overload that is known for it’s vice like grip on modern society. With brief windows of clarity that seem to be serving as a way for my soul to take a breath while I unconsciously try to drown out my feelings. Truth be told those feelings are not the real problem, and I know this, they are just a symptom.
Why I am running from them?
The short answer is fear, we all have feelings in our life that occasionally bring out parts of our character we would like to believe don’t exist. Once we encounter these feelings we come to question our own integrity, sadly looking at our feelings as they were to be perceived by others around us and then reacting in shame. This faulty logic leads us to ignore the emotional road signs our true self is trying to provide in hopes of helping us correct the root cause of the feeling. Thus we continuously neglect our emotional well being, slowly numbing it out through acts of sensory stimulation that provide a short term feel good in place of a long term remedy we need.
Through this process we slowly sever our ties with our eternal source of joy and peace, and gradually transform into the walking dead, nothing more than zombies stumbling through life attempting to find sustenance from hollow corpses of temporary stimulation. This negligence creates an unquenchable thirst within us one that can only be slaked with a drink from direct connection with self, but the bitter taste of emotion hides the sweet water of understanding.
I would like to believe this is something most people experience in life, although I do also acknowledge that not every does. If you are like me and happen to be reading this at one of those breathing moments in life please know you are not alone, this thing called life is a shared experience. For this fact I am grateful, because being alone with your problems is possibly the worst thing that could happen, it never fails that when I sit alone with my “problems” my brain is not nearly as interested in resolving the cause of my feelings as it is in creating nifty tricks on how to avoid that feeling altogether. I guess I am fortunate enough to have a strong body mind and soul connection that eventually what I try to avoid in my head will slowly manifest itself in my body and of course physical pain can be a strong motivator.
I’m not sure I have a happy ending for this post, to be honest some times you have to face the ugly truth and allow those unpleasant feelings to exist, yes it can be scary but once you have the courage to feel those emotions you’ll find that your heart is trying to tell you something it considers very important for your overall well being in life. One bit of advice is don’t face those feelings alone reach out to family, friends or appropriate support groups/professionals. Just because you want to face those feelings doesn’t mean you have to let them beat you down, the people in your life are there for reason, not because they think you are some amazing super hero but because they appreciate you for the human you are and love you all the same.
Remember you are not alone and of course your are worth More Than Gold.
Thank you and I Love You,
The Fabric of Success
What makes a bouncy ball so fun?
It bounces back.
What about those ridiculous clowns you punch in the face?
They bounce back too!
Now these are great physical representations of a human characteristic that is admired and occasionally envied.
What I am talking about is resilience the subject of my entry for tonight.
There’s a common opinion I hear, something along the lines of it being easier for young people to bounce back from adversity.
To be fair I am still relatively young to some so my opinion is just that, but from how I see it age should have no difference on your ability to rebound.
Let me elaborate, if you are young it should be easy because you have an abundance of energy and even perhaps a slight ignorance. For the old your resilience only changes it’s source of origin in your case you have the experience of knowing that you have encountered things of this nature before. While hopefully the maturity to know that failure is not in making mistakes but more about letting those mistakes rob you of your peace and self love.
As far as success goes I will not pretend to be the end all resource on what success is, only because that is defined individually just as your sense of morality. Though my humble opinion is of one that believes success is not measured in dollars, material goods, friends, awards, societal contributions or even objectives achieved. My thoughts on success are that of simplicity, do you enjoy your current position in life? Can you sleep easy at night knowing that you are doing your best at living a life true to your values?
If you can wholeheartedly answer yes to both of those questions then you are in my book incredibly successful.
When I look at my life I can definitely say that there are some things I would like to change. Does that mean I don’t enjoy my current position in life? Not at all, it simply means that I am still growing just like most others.
How does that make sense? Honestly it may not always make sense, but through my own experience I have found in life you really only have two options, you can either enjoy the present moment or not. Of course there are some off the wall events you could ask along the lines of physical torture or other radical occurrences, to those questions I can only say stop trying to make things more difficult than they actually are. The word enjoy here is just another word for acceptance and appreciation for you as a person that way you can love yourself enough to know you don’t have to be perfect and there is no “destination” you have to arrive at.
As for the second question about living true to my values? I do my best to live a life of personal accountability, meaning, that I constantly question my own thoughts and feelings about my actions. If there is anything that I do which truly contradicts what I believe then I investigate my motives and adjust my actions accordingly. Most people do this all the time so I don’t particularly see this as a unique skill only one that I actively develop. You see the funny thing about our values is that they are evolving right along us, so our opinion on certain ideas or concepts is subject to change as our life does so frequently.
What does this have to do with resilience?
Great question! If you can learn to enjoy your present moment and admit that you are doing your best to uphold your personal values then those are the key components to self love and forgiveness. Those two ingredients are at the very core of resilience, as I said before it’s not about never making mistakes, it’s more about bouncing back after you do. When you love yourself and can forgive your own humanity then a mistake is just that a mis-take, so take another shot until you get the picture you want.
Let’s recap, success is defined in many ways but the best way to find your own success is through resilience. The foundation of resilience is self love and forgiveness. Self love and forgiveness are centered around allowing yourself to be human and make mistakes.
I’ll wrap this all up with a final question for you to ponder.
If success has varying definitions and resilience is about giving yourself the right to make mistakes, then is your definition of success preventing you from seeing the success that you already are?
Thanks for tuning in and as always you are worth MORE THAN GOLD.
Rebuilding the Foundation
Awfully quiet around here lately……….
I wish I had some amazing adventure that I could say was distracting me, honestly speaking that is not the case.
I must admit I have been avoiding my blog.
Funny thing about running from your problems is that you carry them with you, so when its all said and done you still have those problems and now you are tired.
Well I am tired, worn down, and this emotional exhaustion has even manifested itself into a physical illness within my body.
When I think of the original intent of my blog it was clearly defined as a positive resource for authentic human experience. Designed as a space for others to share their personal insights and anything that they thought would add value to other’s lives.
I had invited quite a few people to join me in this journey, as I decided to traverse the human spirit and redefine worth. It was received with much enthusiasm and initially a few people took me up on the offer. Then over time it became a new a individual creative outlet, one that allowed me to delve into the creative side of my mind with a new medium.
Was I disappointed? A little.
But not for anything other than my ego based sense of rejection saying that I had not done a good enough job.
Now I know that there is quite a bit of error in that thought process as someone else’s desire to participate in my personal journey is not a reflection of anything other than their desire to travel their own path.
What does this have to do with humility?
Well this blog was just one of many things that had “gone wrong” in my life over that last year or so.
I would prefer to not list all of my recent errors but lets just say that if one must fail in order to succeed then I should be well on my way to success lol.
“Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.”
Perhaps my life was under serious reconstruction and I needed to set a new foundation of humility for my life to build upon. Or am I just a fool hearty youngster whose desire to comprehend the vast greatness of life was expressed through a series of brash decisions? Probably a bit of both.
Regardless the answer here I am, tired, sick and humbled.
Strange enough I am no longer afraid, nor am I bitter, because I know now that my heart is in control as my brain seems to have admitted it has not the ability to “fix” the current situation of my life and only through my sincere humility can I scrape the pieces of my life back together to start rebuilding.
The old expression of practice what you preach is ringing so loudly in my ears that I’ll be deaf to the voice of my ego for an indeterminable duration.
Have I learned my lesson? Not completely for if I did I would no longer need to live in this plane of existence.
So what did I learn?
A bunch of different things, to start I learned that personal desire does not constitute absolute reality, and trying to interpret the divine essence of life through the limited practice of risk taking can really leave one wanting.
Along with those lessons I also learned that because I am good at something does not mean I have to do it nor is it good for me. Judgement is not limited to negative perceptions of others it can include making positive assumptions as well.
Most importantly I learned that despite how much I consciously or unconsciously destroy my life I am always loved.
This is the most humbling thought of all, for all your false senses of security or ego based concepts of independence we all fall down some of us flat on our faces. The only thing that we can do is ask for help and get back to doing what we feel is correct.
So I decided to start here, if only for the sake of clearing the air, a sort of spring cleaning for my soul.
Now don’t worry some of this may sound negative and yes even people like me experience self inflicted pain, but I feel that this is a great way to start the healing process. I mean really what better way to continue the journey into authenticity then by revealing my own humanity to a bunch of “strangers”.
So take what you want from this entry and share it with others if you feel it resonates with you personally. I want to thank you for taking the time to read it, if there is anything you would like to hear my opinion on shoot me an email or just comment on this entry I would love to hear from you.
For now I will leave you with a question to ponder.
If arrogance blinds then what does humility allow us to see?
Thanks for sticking and remember you are all worth MORE THAN GOLD.
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Acknowledging the Gray
Ambiguity……. the word itself seems uncertain and open to more than one interpretation.
Suffice to say this indefinite noun is a very precise description of the human experience. When we are young we make so many promises to the world about things we could never fully comprehend until we experience them. Later in life we find that those promises affect our ability to make certain decisions that have no clearly defined resolution.
We are raised in a system of duality where we are taught to see the world as good or bad, negative or positive, it’s considered black and white logic. Well life is not black and white, it’s gray a whole lot of gray. Perhaps life is just meant to help us understand that in order to live in peace with this world we have to be able to accept that most major decisions in life are steeped in ambiguity.
When it comes to other’s perceptions of me I hear optimist used fairly often. Normally this is just taken as a compliment regardless of its intent. To be an optimist does not mean ignoring the negative to me, it involves accepting the potential for the negative but understanding that there is an equivalent if not greater opportunity for the positive.
That being said sometimes you have to be able to look at particular crossroads in your lifetime and say there is no good or bad choice to make here. No right, no wrong. I must make a choice and then make peace with my decision so I may continue to grow. Don’t get me wrong, just like most other people I question my decisions after making them.
The point is limiting the time you allow yourself to speculate, then accepting that you made the best possible decision with all the information available at that time. But is that true? Yes, that is absolutely true. Your brain is wired to automatically deduce the best possible resolution, not to mention the being that is represented through its resolutions, is of the same construct as the very essence that created life.
I truly believe that we live in such ambiguity not through sadistic tinkering of some benevolent being, but through our own blind desire of perfection. Almost as though we have been tricked into believing that perfection is something that can not be attained without extreme circumstance. Leaving us in a constant state of want, over questioning each decision, and beating ourselves up for making mistakes.
The funny thing about trying to pursue perfection is that nobody achieves……. it ever. One of my favorite understandings of this is the concept of enlightenment. Enlightenment is possible, but the conscious pursuit of it immediately makes it unattainable. This basic principle is what keeps us from harmonious existence. As we strive to label all things effectively, we instantly create dissonance within our universe, by limiting the events of our lives to negative and positive.
Instead of looking at our lives to be judged perhaps we should see the fact that it is made of limitless potential and our ability to effectively navigate can not be measured by anyone other than ourselves. While taking into consideration that we are all part of a greater organism we can not fully comprehend., so trying to accurately determine the opinion of a objective essence is futile.
When I say life itself is ambiguous I don’t mean it in the all hope is lost context, nor the opposite, I simply mean life is up to your interpretation.
I prefer to interpret a peaceful and well rested life, I am going to bed.
As always you are worth MORE THAN GOLD.
THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU
Everything that has existed, lingers in the Eternity.
Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.